I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
