She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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