ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
