"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
