Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
