so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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