The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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