I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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