I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
meet me or not, i'm out of control
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
