Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
