What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
