Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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