I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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