When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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