There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
