my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
