I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
