This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
