took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
