Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
