3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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