You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
