I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
