did you get engaged???
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
