Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
