i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
