she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
