i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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