I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
