I wish I could punch you in the face.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
