Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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