Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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