I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
