So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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