I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
