It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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