I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
