I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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