So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please, let me fuck your mom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
