There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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