Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Text me some of your sweat
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
