hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
