the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
