Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
handjob tips. give me some.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
