I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
