i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
