It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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