I think scott just propositioned me for sex
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
