Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
