I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
