I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
