hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
