i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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