i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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