We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
