you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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