If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
