How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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