Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
