WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
