Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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