Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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