I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
