I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
