But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
