Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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