i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
