through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
