im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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