all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
bring money and cleavage
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
