So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
