Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
