Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were trust falling into bushes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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