I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
