nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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