I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
