Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
