The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Enjoy the penises
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
