I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think your dad took our porno
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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