If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love accidental penises.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
