Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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